If every mistake can be seen as a lesson in character development, then in the same vein every time we realize what we don’t want, we come into closer alignment with what we do want. If our wants are our compass, then the things that we don’t want are the course correction. Sea monsters and tidal waves that are mapped on our journey. Grateful to learn, we promise never to return.
And now a quick trip down memory lane….
It was a date night and I found myself gripping tightly on to a relationship that’s shelf label featured a skull and crossbones… TOXIC. But I was young, and searching for love, so I found myself getting ready for a night on the town with the man-child of my heart’s desire. Like every important event in my life, I put a lot of intention and detail into my outfit that night. Namely, the star of the show were these fingerless black gloves trimmed with grey faux fur - so extra, so San Francisco, and SO perfect for the cold romantic night. In retrospect I might have put a tad too much precedence on that evening’s look because it set me back thirty minutes late for the date. I mean SUE me, I’m fabulous - which doesn’t align with constructs, especially the construct of time. To be truly fabulous, is also to be timeless. But of course HE did not see it that way and as I jumped off the F line feeling FIIINE, I found him stewing. He was a small man, but what he lacked in stature he made up for in body hair and terrifying temperament. Oof - it was bad, he yelled at me on the street corner in front of the bar and passing pedestrians holding nothing back for the pleasantries of the public. The San Francisco mist clung to my mascara and further emphasized the black tears rolling down my cheeks - a sad ruination of eyes that took hours to achieve. This was not out of the ordinary, he yelled at me a lot. I wouldn't go as far to say that he was abusive - I think abusiveness generally lends itself to an aspect of presentness, and he was far from present. I had been chasing and chasing this man who repeatedly ran and denied all my gestures of affection again and again, and there I was begging for his crumbs of attention. I don’t remember all that was said- I mean, who would? I will however never forget his last words… After the final crescendo of his verbal battering, he stormed off. Only to turn around after half a block, charge back towards me and yell at the top of his lungs “AND YOUR GLOVES ARE NOT FABULOUS!” Hahahaha I mean, what kind of exit line is that?? Also, how could I ever be attracted to a man with so little taste? Who has the audacity to publicly humiliate himself with such a lack of awareness? Obviously the gloves were divine, and even more obvious he could NEVER be mine. After that, I didn’t want him anymore. Not one little bit. CANCELED. I still have the gloves.
*****
This man, and specifically this last interaction with him taught me a lot about what I don’t want. “The only way out is through,” they say, and I had to live through this ridiculous chapter in my life to learn about what I did want in love. I want a man who respects me, wants me, listens to me, expresses his emotions healthily. Someone who not only honors my glamour but is enamored by it. And I am happy to report - I have found that. I wake up every day more and more in love with the man of dreams. I believe I called him in. I was able to attract this fairytale romance that I now live in because I knew what I wanted, but first I had to learn and live through what I did not.
What don’t you want? And what has that taught you about what you do?
We’re in the studio wrapping up the final touches on the Boomtown Live Set. If everything lines up, we’ll be sharing it later this week. We're also getting the BARBARAboy store ready and looking ahead to the launch of the new YouTube talk show on Barbara Funks at the end of April.
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