We’ve all heard it, “fill up your own cup before you fill up others’.” But the thing about pouring is, it gets easier and easier the more you do it. Like a medieval tavern wench, your reflection peers up at you from someone else's goblet. Is that me? Or is that the rippling echo of my deeds? Before you delve too deep into asking - yes, there is a difference between you and what you do.
I remember being really young and my mom telling me that people keep me around for “me,” and not for “what I do for them.” It took years for that to sink in, and honestly it still does not always feel like truth. Does not feel real that there can be value in my essence without the practical presence of my doing. As I get older, I get closer to the embodiment of this sentiment - that I AM even when I DO nothing.
I live a big life and I am grateful for it. I am always doing something. Keeping appointments, working, taking phone calls, completing assignments (personal or otherwise), helping, planning, executing, exercising, cleaning, reading, writing, crafting, committing, COMMITTING again and again and again. On paper it reads well, “Wow, she sure does know how to show up.” But like the tavern wench, I am starting to feel lost in the sauce of my doing. As I continue to fill every single block of time on my calendar I question the difference between what is filling and what is fulfilling.
I want to be fulfilled.
There is a difference, a stark contrast actually between filling and fulfilling. It can be hard when you want a lot and life has a lot to give, to balance it all. The thing about balance is, the center of gravity (reality) that it revolves around is so different for every single person. I realize that I have been attempting to mirror my reality to this conceptualized “success” model. The more I do, the better it feels. Right? Well maybe for some (maybe for you), but in my quest for fulfillment and sitting with the seeking - I realize that my life is filled with all sorts of things, but from them I am left asking: am I fulfilled?
Basically I think fulfillment can be deduced to - what fills up your cup/heart/soul. Just because you are good at something, committed to something, pressured into something, etc. does not equate to it being fulfilling for you. Fulfillment and balance are idiosyncratic - but the dogma of being fulfilled is universal. Our time here (at least in this exact incarnation) is finite, and it is our duty to bring meaning (aka fulfillment) to the time that is given to us.
What fulfills you?
I am still learning the answer to the above question, still learning the difference between filled and fulfilled - but I do know that if I never give myself the space, then I will never know. So as a confession of the (over) committed I vow to follow my heart to fulfillment and to live more closely with the “me” that doesn't always have to be busy.
Thank You, Abbi
This reflection isn’t just beautifully articulated - it’s deeply lived. In writing it, Abbi also made the self-honoring decision to step back and reduce her commitments. For now, she won’t be part of the Barbara project. I’m celebrating her choice to follow her heart toward fulfillment and to live in closer alignment with herself. Your presence echos volumes. Thank you for sharing your magic, Barbara.
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